When I was growing up as an adolescent, I was a happy child. I did not know my future, I didn't know what would happen to me after I was 13 years of age, I didn't know what I would do if my mom got ill, and I wouldn't know what to cook every dinner for my family then when I am limited of only Filipino recipes to my knowledge. Who would know about their future unless you are an oracle like in the movies who predicts life as if it is an altered piece of advice from reality on how we live, avoid danger, or escape troubled circumstances?
Decluttering my mind on this entry
I know I was bored. Don't get me wrong a depressive person is just mentally ill. Not mentally retarded. I repeat-NOT MENTALLY RETARDED. I, for the life of me, rebelled by other's understanding that I would be suppressed to do whatever I wanted in life. My mother is so scared of me growing up too fast that she couldn't make me get too close to electronic devices (e.g. laptops or any computers). I surmise as far as I can comprehend for fear of being brainwashed or too independent.
So, I was really bored. We don't really talk. She's busy with work. And left us to do our homework every night. My dad cooks dinner but I help with cooking rice staple food of the Filipinos. Can't go eating without it. It's like bread for us.
So being bored, I mustered up the courage to save with only 2 dollars a month to buy a laptop. It took me to $60 and I have given up. My allowance is $3-5 per month if there is none at all.
I receive SSI but covered to help my family financially. I was a teenager who as they see didn't need extra but just ask as my parents will provide for necessities ONLY. I did not have much growing up. But all that will change I have to make a point I am capable and responsible and see where my life leads me now.
I don't drink, don't hang out with troublesome people, or any bad associations. I barred even the slightest of people who showed me drama. I don't need that in my life. As I grew up I learned skills and practiced them that can entertain me and make me a multi-skilled person. I did not go to a proper school for this but learning the ins and outs of web development, SEO, identifying target audiences (demographics) for your paid advertising, blogging, creating digital products to sell, creating physical products to sell,
dropshipping automation, affiliate marketing and all this is work from home on my laptop and phone as freelance. I work whenever I want and where I want. I don't account for anyone above me but I work solo. That is my freedom, my ticket to being stable in work and hoping financially comfortable in the future (accounting for blessings). I work hard and it takes ample time for what I built will be established as an authority in my niche. And l still keep learning. It is not over yet.
Transforming space, boost my mental health
What I really came here to write about is my progress in mind and body. I hid in the trenches for so long. It shows through my physical living space, how I live, food choices, attitude, and even settling for unworthy friends (this makes me cringe) for a long time. How I handle myself unconfidently. And did not trust myself I could do better if not with help at my best non superficially. Still trying to find myself and my own thinking not living through anyone's advice and I get blamed even if don't know it will blow scalding hot water on my face.
I love life now and what I want is to strive to be happy for my parents and my family's association with me. At least, they did not leave me when I needed them the most. Besides the efforts of others to get my mother and I's relationship to break and put a hedge between us, my mother is my mother. I respect and love her for that.
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